


Examination

by NickieMoot



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: M/M, Minecraft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-28 15:04:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2737022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NickieMoot/pseuds/NickieMoot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lalna wants to know: just what the heck IS an Alsmiffy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Examination

“If this gets weird the deal is off.” Smiffy sat on an exam table in Lalna’s mock medical lab wearing just his pants and shoes. Beside him was a clipboard with a few chicken scratch notes about him that he could barely read. Above was an obnoxiously bright light, and in front, a blond man with a lab coat and stethoscope looking entirely too excited.

Lalna nodded his head eagerly. “Yes, yes, of course, let me know if you get uncomfortable. I really appreciate your cooperation, Smiffy.”

Smiffy shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah yeah. Happy to help you satisfy your fetish.”

“It will be purely scientific.” Smiffy made an amused noise and let Lalna start the examination. The scientist began with shining a flashlight into Smiffy’s eyes, the only visible features on his smooth slime body. “Your eyes look normal- er, similar to human eyes I mean. Have you noted any difference between your vision and other peoples? Things you see better or worse than others?”

“Well for some reason no one else seems to see flames and decay like I do.” Smiffy paused to drink in Lalna’s surprised expression. “Everything burns. I can see your skin melting right now. It’s brilliant. I bet you die in flames a lot, am I right?”

Lalna’s face paled. “You can see that?”

Silence stretched out, tense and heavy, suddenly broken by Smiffy’s laughter. “Your fucking face, mate!” Lalna’s face flushed with embarrassment and he mumbled about continuing the exam. When Smiffy stopped laughing and sat still again he stepped to the side to look closely at Smiffy’s head and face and neck.

“I can’t see any orifices. Are they hidden?”

Smiffy shook his head. “Don’t have any.”

Lalna’s eyes met Smiffy’s again. “What? Really? How do you breathe? How do you eat?”

“I dunno. I just need to be touching air to breathe. And I don’t need a hole in my face to eat.” Lalna looked at him expectantly until he elaborated. “You’ve seen slimes eat before, right? Food just goes in there. Ta-da.” He gave a sarcastic wave of his hands.

“You can just absorb things then? Can your whole body do that?”

“Yeah but that’s stupid. I’m not uncivilized. Plus I can’t really taste anything if it’s not through my face.”

Lalna hummed and turned to the clipboard of notes. “How does food affect you? Can you absorb any kind of matter, like other slimes?”

Smiffy shrugged. “I could, I guess, but it’s not really healthy. If something is poison I’m still gonna get sick.”

“What about drugs and alcohol and narcotics? Have you taken medication successfully?”

“Yeah, it all works basically the same. I get drunk or high or whatever. I’ve taken painkillers and they’ve worked just fine.”

Lalna quickly scribbled a few things down, then turned back and reached a gloved hand up but stopped himself. “Can I touch you?” Smiffy nodded and Lalna placed his hand on the side of the smooth green head. He pressed with his fingertips, rubbed small circles, moved gently forward to the face. His face seemed to slowly light up as he explored. “Oh! It’s softer in the front.”

He pressed the spongy surface a couple more times before removing his hand, eyes gleaming. Smiffy wiped at his face with the back of his hand. “Ugh. Rubber.”

“You can taste with the outside?”

“Mm-hm. Taste and smell.”

“What about other senses? How do you hear without ears? In fact how are we speaking right now?” Smiffy just shrugged. “Do you make noise somewhere? Is it telepathy?” Another shrug. Lalna frowned but decided to move on. He took the stethoscope around his neck and listened to Smiffy’s chest. “…Uh. I can’t hear anything.”

“Yeah I don’t really have a lot of organs in there.”

He took the stethoscope back down. “How many organs do you have then?”

“As far as I know, just the eyes.”

Lalna breathed out a quiet “wow” and pressed his hands against him again, feeling his chest and stomach. “How about tactile feeling, is the slime sensitive? Are some parts more than others?”

Smiffy laughed again. “Alright don’t jizz yourself, mate. Yeah, I can feel stuff all over, and the soft parts are a lot more sensitive than the more solid areas.”

“Parts? Are there more than just your face?”

“Oh you’re gonna have to buy me a few drinks if you wanna see that, you kinky fuck.” Lalna snapped his hands back to his own sides and flushed brightly.

“Uh, well, I guess that’s enough then. I have the thaumic research notes and barrel of rum I promised you downstairs.” He began writing down notes on the clipboard as though it were the most important task in the world. Smiffy laughed and hopped off the exam table.

“That’s all you wanted? Really? You know the way everyone talks about you I was sure you were gonna tie me up and cut me open or something.”

Lalna snapped his head up with an offended expression that only made Smiffy laugh more. “I’m not that kind of scientist! I mean, not with living subjects! That’s ridiculous!” He paused as a thought struck him. “Wait, if you thought I was gonna hurt you, why did you agree to this?”

The edges of Smiffy’s eyes wrinkled in a way that suggested a smile. He leaned forward, placing a hand on Lalna’s chest, and murmured, “Maybe I was curious too. Send word if you ever want to do more… science, or whatever you wanna call it.” With a wink he turned away and headed to the teleporter, leaving a furiously blushing and extremely confused Lalna frozen behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written January of 2014. This is mostly just me gushing about my headcanons for Smiffy.


End file.
